So today I am not being allowed to eat or drink anything in preparation for some fun tests to work out why I went all translucent. In fact the last thing I had to eat was a piece of white toast 24 hours ago. The result is that I am tired and extremely grumpy. Lovely friends have visited me and all have brought snacks which are now mocking me from various corners of the room. I've pervily taken to sniffing the M&S honeycomb crispies and tentatively licking Mini Cheddars and pork scratchings without the snacks noticing.
Everywhere I look I see food, including on t'internet. The cruellest find had to be this burger jumper, not only did it make me lick the screen (I'M ALLOWED TO LICK THINGS, ALRIGHT?) but it turns out it's not even a real fucking jumper. It's just a photoshop mock up by a pair of cunts called Greta and Alex. 'Non-existent clothing', yeah, that's a thing now. The article about Greta and Alexs' Sexy Sweaters blog on Vice (of COURSE it's on Vice) is such unutterable bullshit that I think it has to be a joke, but it might be a knowing joke in which case everyone must die.
I'm going for a rage nap. See you on the other side.