Monday, 30 April 2012

The Day I Became Nicolas Cage. Sort Of

Hello all, am all better now. Out of hospital and feeling spry thanks to the lovely, lovely blood transfusion. I now have a sneaking suspicion that I am Nic Cage's character in Vampire's Kiss, a film which I haven't even seen yet but looks amazing, where Cage goes mental after being bitten during sexy times by a sexy lady and convinces himself he's a vampire. Standard. (Brucie Bonus - here's a video of Nic Cage denying he's a vampire on Letterman.)

To celebrate my transformation into a fictional character played by Nic Cage, here's a totally unrelated video of a man using a sander to make 1km's worth of a4 paper shoot off onto the floor in a very hypnotic fashion. Is nice.

Seamless post. *Pats self on back*





Via You Might Like This

Friday, 27 April 2012

Bite Me

    


So today I am not being allowed to eat or drink anything in preparation for some fun tests to work out why I went all translucent. In fact the last thing I had to eat was a piece of white toast 24 hours ago. The result is that I am tired and extremely grumpy. Lovely friends have visited me and all have brought snacks which are now mocking me from various corners of the room. I've pervily taken to sniffing the M&S honeycomb crispies and tentatively licking Mini Cheddars and pork scratchings without the snacks noticing.

Everywhere I look I see food, including on t'internet. The cruellest find had to be this burger jumper, not only did it make me lick the screen (I'M ALLOWED TO LICK THINGS, ALRIGHT?) but it turns out it's not even a real fucking jumper. It's just a photoshop mock up by a pair of cunts called Greta and Alex. 'Non-existent clothing', yeah, that's a thing now. The article about Greta and Alexs' Sexy Sweaters blog on Vice (of COURSE it's on Vice) is such unutterable bullshit that I think it has to be a joke, but it might be a knowing joke in which case everyone must die.

I'm going for a rage nap. See you on the other side.




FUCKERS. 


Thursday, 26 April 2012

The 'I'm Too Sickly For My Bed-Shirt' Playlists

Have found myself a bunch of new moozac I like - three cheers for the hospital playlists.

Logged a bunch on Spotify:
For general 'Hells Yesses' and new discoveries: Starred
For a raucous set of foot stompers: ORF with the roof
For a curious selection: Mixed Bag o' YES
For some rancho relaxo: Practically Horizontal

And below is Jasmine by Jai Paul, have been listening to it repeatedly and getting busted rolling my head around and looking blissed out with my headphones on by the nurses. (Well it's not from drugs is it you witches? Still haven't been prescribed anything interesting - and blood doesn't count, even if it IS from virgins.) Anyway, the bass is deep and woozy and insistent and circular. Awesome guitar, TIMELY CLAPPING and beaut voice. Listen loud.



Found Jai Paul via 22 Tracks which is a great source for new stuff - always like the relax playlist by Venz.
Also thanks to Henry, Vinay, Nick and Tom (C, not golden beard) for recent finds.
Some crossover and extra favourites on Soundcloud too.



Wednesday, 25 April 2012

Pass the Smelling Salts

Hey kids, I have been unwellity well and am languishing in hospital watching programmes about police chases and giant catfish, so I'm going to get my shit together and get some posting done.

I was being all dramatic and old fashioned by fainting and swooning whenever I stood up; it wasn't a huge concern for me as I would happily be chaise-bound for life if it meant being waited on and fanned, but medical science said, "NO, we've come past that, get your pale ass into a backless gown." Which I duly did and they pumped me full of lovely other peoples' blood (see fig a.) and now I am feeling much better.

(figure a.)


Here is a dress I bought from the gorgeous Coco Fennell to flounce around in when I'm discharged.

Circus! Circus! Limited Edition Dress

Just photoshop / imagine my lolling head over the lovely model's - clearly a SMASH HIT. 

Then I had a trawl over Coco's blog and found this outrageously sexy photo:


Again, just photoshop my loll and set it in silhouette and BLAMMO, that is how you stay sexy in hospital. 


Thought for the day? 
When it comes to man-eating catfish, the greatest killer.... IS MAN. Except when it's catfish but that's very rare.

Other thought for the day? (sometimes there's room for two)
Give blood. Give it all to me. 
Sure, I'll give some too. Later. 

P.s - I am fine and happily accepting flowers and gifts. 


Friday, 20 April 2012

So Freaking Enigmatic

Meet The World's Most Downloaded Man; Brazilian photographer Fernando Martins goes to meet Jesper Bruun a male model who can not only turn left but whose ridiculously good looking features are cornering the stock photo market and making life very difficult for professional photographers like Martins who rely on commissioned work.

This film is just off-key in the best possible way, it held my gnat-span for over four minutes, which must be something of a record these days. It's got awkward, it's got jawlines and it's got plot twists galore. Sort of. Watch it:



via Time

Toy + Caption = Joy

Aled Lewis does illustrations, they're cracking and silly and smile-inducing, his site and flickr are definitely worth a trawl. I think this is my favourite.

"Overconfidence"
Overconfidence

"You used to be cool."
You Used To Be Cool.

"That awkward moment when you wave at someone you think is waving at you."


And these are from his new Toy Stories book
Toy Stories